Feeling the Wind Beneath my Wings

Ranga Rajah

I am in the third act of my life.

Suddenly I am feeling as if life is beginning to unravel all the beautiful things it has been saving for my sake.

Nothing dramatic has happened except for a few things that have changed as far as my regular life and living is concerned. I feel free and can almost ‘hear my wings’ flapping.

Have you all felt something similar? I am sure I am hearing a big yes or simply a nod from some.

There is a reason why I am feeling the wind beneath my wings.

I am a people pleaser and I cannot bring myself to say a NO.

I too, like so many others, have to manage my work, social and family life.

But my style of management is more like merging those much-needed boundary lines.

Thanks to this trait, I have often landed myself in trouble. Figuring out how to keep my side of the deal has given me sleepless nights and stress.

We all have those special few who don’t feel the need to sugar coat because you can’t handle the truth.

These people are your support system. They have an uncanny sense of what might or can go wrong for you. I realized this fact a bit late in life.

A very dear and close friend, (let us call her UP) said to me that no matter how much I worry and want to control and take away the pain from my near and dear ones, I would never succeed. And added, ‘you have to understand that people are programmed to cope, survive and fight their problems. You do not have to fight their battles for them’.

I was so upset that I cut all connections with her. That was a little over eight years ago.

One day, I guess while reading some article on positivity and selflessness I did a bit of introspection and the picture I had of myself as a very positive and do good person did not seem right.

I started observing my actions and I decided to stop rushing to solve and ‘help’ other people like I was used to. While doing this, I also educated myself on when to reach out and when to mind my own business.

Suddenly, there was this calm and peace I was surrounded with. I was able to think clearly and I felt some sort of a positive energy engulfing me.

Recently, as in last year, I sent UP a long mail explaining how wrong I was to not see what she visualized for me.

That I would face a breakdown of sorts was something UP saw.

The generous and large-hearted person that she is, UP drove down immediately and took me out for lunch.

I realized the difference between doing something for the sake of feeding one’s ego and being a large-hearted person. And I am truly ashamed to say that all the while I was thinking of myself as benevolent and epitome of grace, I was just being selfish.

It took me a few decades to free myself from the shackles of this horrible thing called ego. And I am glad to be free and flying.

I still say yes to others. But only after seeking their permission.

 Photo by Ethan Sykes on Unsplash 

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash